Everything You’re Going to Hear About The Oscars…(so save yourself some time)

If you didn’t watch The Oscars, here’s what you missed and what you’ll hear about for the next 7-10 days!

  1. Jennifer Lawrence won Best Actress… and fell on her way up the steps (but looked really good doing it)
  2. Quentin Tarantino won Best Screenplay… which I’m sure was a big F-U for the overly sensitive critics of Django Unchained
  3. Ben and George are the new Ben and Matt
  4. Michelle Obama has bangs, still
  5. Oh yeah, Michelle Obama also presented Best Picture with Jack Nicholson via satellite (she may have been scared good ol’ Jack was gonna pull an Adrien Brody)
  6. Life of Pi won the most awards for a movie no one saw in the U.S.
  7. Renee Zellweger can’t read apparently
  8. Kristen Stewart looked stoned (and was sporting a fashionable bruise on her arm)
  9. Halle Berry and Charlize Theron mysteriously don’t age
  10. John Travolta screwed up the pronunciation of Les Misérables…even though the title had been mentioned a dozen times before
  11. ‘We saw your boobs’ was the best thing Seth Macfarlane did last night
  12. Some critics thought Macfarlane’s jokes were too offensive…apparently they’ve never seen ‘Family Guy’, ‘Ted’, or anything else he’s ever done
  13. Anne Hathaway won Best Supporting Actress…and apparently no one knew she had nipples until last night (I always knew!)
  14. Jennifer Hudson can sing really, really well…apparently no one knew that until last night either
  15. Daniel Day-Lewis is now officially the best actor that ever lived

2012 Pop Culture Rapid Fire…

This week as been slow as far as things that annoy me, so I’ve decided to do a ‘rapid fire’ post about my thoughts on 2012 (you know, since I didn’t have my awesome blog up and running yet). So here goes:

  1. Kim Kardashian & Kayne West– No one cares.
  2. The Kardashian Family– In general, the world is to blame for this. If we just stop pumping them with ratings and money- they will eventually go away.
  3. The Hunger Games– People accused the movie of being racist for casting an African American girl as Rue- well I think it’s racist that people DIDN’T want an African American girl to play Rue, so there!
  4. The Election– Thank God it’s over! The crazies were starting to come out of the woodwork!
  5. Angelina Jolie’s Leg– I still can’t believe people spent so much time covering that (or caring).
  6. “Gangnam Style”– I’ll admit, at first I thought it was funny, then I found out he hated America (but had no issue accepting our fame and money). That’s also the world’s fault. Here are the lyrics to one of his lovely songs: “Kill those f—ing Yankees who have been torturing Iraqi captives” and “Kill them all slowly and painfully.” And they still gave him a Pistachio commercial.
  7. The Mayan Calendar/Apocalypse– Thank God it’s over! The crazies were starting to come out of the woodwork!
  8. Fifty Shades of Grey Phenomenon- Haven’t read it, don’t care to. Why find another reason to resent my spouse, I’m already disappointed he’s not a vampire. (But if the actor’s are hot, I’ll definitely rent the movie.)
  9. The End of Twinkies– When was the last time you even had a Twinkie?
  10. Chris Brown & Rihanna– That’s HER problem. Focus on your own lives and relationships.
  11. Whitney Houston– Surprised? Talented, but troubled.
  12. Jessica Simpson Gets Fat– Well yeah, she was PREGNANT!
  13. Jennifer Aniston’s Love Life/Feud with Angelina– I think after 8 years of being divorced, she’s over it. You should be too.

My Love/Hate Relationship with Lena Dunham

lena dunhamThe new queen of indie is without a doubt Ms. Lena Dunham, and although most agree she’s very talented, I don’t completely agree she’s the ‘voice’ of my generation. Maybe it’s because I don’t get the indie movement, I don’t wear ill-fitted clothing, and I don’t listen to Tegan and Sara, but I find her interpretation of twenty-somethings a bit off.

Let’s start with the Pros. I love that she’s become a pioneer for the average looking woman, or at least the woman that doesn’t have the traditional shape. She took a page out of Jason Segel’s book, and wrote a leading role for herself (which would otherwise not have happened). For someone who is considered “normal” weight in the real world but “fat” for Hollywood, I appreciate her trying to break the mold. She also appears to be a genuine person, appears to be, I don’t like to make claims about people I don’t know personally- but I’m sure we could be friends.

The Cons. When I saw the trailer for her much anticipated show, “Girls”, I immediately set my DVR to record (knowing this was not going to be a show for my boyfriend to enjoy with me). The first episode was cool, she touched upon some very relevant issues like the struggles of getting a job and paying rent. However, she portrayed a person, who despite being in her mid 20’s, was very dependent on her parents-implying a privileged upbringing. I understand the age of dependancy has increased with the economy and all, but even those who still live with their parents tend to work and make some kind of living. Lena’s character was just an intern who lived with a roommate, but whose rent was being paid by her parents. She could have waitressed and still have been an intern- but at least there would be some effort to become independent.

That’s one issue I had with the show. The other, which has been the center of criticism, was the nudity. Like I said, I’m a normal girl, and I can appreciate a girl who is comfortable with her ‘normal’ body- I admire it even. I applauded the nudity in the first episode, then it was in the second, and then the third came….and that was about it for me. The point was made, it was refreshing, then it was enough.

I have not continued to watch the show, partially because of the nudity, but also because I don’t relate to the four female characters Lena has created. They all seem to come from upper middle-class families and each character is an extreme of something- Hannah is super indie, hipster, thinker, with odd clothing, Marnie is very vanilla, logical, a semi kill-joy, Jessa is the foreign one- which to the show means she’s the most interesting and the most promiscuous, and Shos is ultra nerdy, sheltered, and virginal. This is just my perception after a few episodes, hopefully these characters have evolved since. Nevertheless, I would probably still not get into it.

My twenties consisted of going to school, working very hard, and pushing to be 100% independent from anyone (mission accomplished by the way). I also didn’t find my twenties as promiscuous or weird- maybe they could have been, but I found dating and finding someone attractive a lot more difficult than “Girls” makes it.

I still applaud you Lena, you’re paving the way for normal people to get naked (in moderation though).

PS. I hope we can still be friends.

It’s Just Swimsuits People!

Here we go, yet another trivial event turned into a controversy. So you know that magazine where really hot models pose in tiny little bikinis? You know, Sports Illustrated! Well the latest issue with Kate Upton on the cover apparently features models all over the world posing with natives from each country. Well some ingenious website (Jezebel) is accusing the magazine of exploiting minorities by using them as props! REALLY?

It’s a stretch no doubt, the natives depicted in the photos look perfectly happy (and unharmed). In fact, to imply they were “exploited” is to imply that those people did not have a mind of their own to decide if they wanted to even be in those photos…that sure sounds like a stereotype, doesn’t it? That “colored” people in other countries are too “dumb” to realize they’re being used by the “white man”…I think we need to give “minorities” a bit more credit.

I don’t know the ethnicity of the individual who wrote the article, but I’m considered a “minority” being of Cuban-decent, and on behalf of all my stereotype ridden friends- I AM NOT OFFENDED! And neither should anyone else be. It’s a swimsuit magazine people, the goal is to sell issues to men (and women) who want to look at hot chicks. God bless em’, it’s entertainment!

What’s next? Shut down “It’s a Small World”!!!


Oh Valentine’s Day…

Valentine's Day_92960689

Should it be called “girlfriend’s day”? Probably. Is it a made up holiday? Sure! But so is Christmas! And no one boycotts that.

Men all over the world today will be standing their ground and refusing to give in to this “Hallmark Holiday”, and to that I say, “screw you”.
We all know it’s a BS occasion, and if you love someone then everyday should be Valentine’s Day….but it’s not, so get over it.

Just accept the gift that society has given you to show your girlfriend or wife that you have a thoughtful bone in your body. Let’s face it, women love romance. All women (period).

So go out there, score some points for the year, and buy the one you love some damn chocolate and flowers. Hell! Throw in a card if you really want to impress her. If you don’t know what to write, Google a poem, she’ll appreciate the effort!

Really? Girl Suspended for Dyeing Hair…

I have to say it, schools focus on the most ridiculous mundane crap these days!!!!!

A Utah teen was suspended for dyeing her hair auburn because the principal didn’t think it looked natural. Auburn? Really? Show me a girl in Miami who hasn’t had that deep-unnatural auburn hair- it’s especially popular in females 65 and over!

Instead of focusing on education and teaching tolerance, they’re suspending kids for dyeing their hair!!?? That’s WHEN you dye your hair, when you’re a kid because it’s fun and you get to express yourself. I can’t tell you how many colors my hair was while in grade school!!! And guess what? I graduated with honors and never stabbed anyone!

I remember when I was in school the biggest issue was uniforms and flip flops. Now, everything is an issue! Christmas sweaters, hair color, piercings, mustaches! Who cares! Your teen years are the best times to do all that weird shit to yourself, you get it out of your system- because once you enter the real world those blue highlights don’t look great in an interview.

Kids are passing with sub-par grades, they barely know anything, and they’re becoming increasingly violent. Those are the issues the schools should address. Racism, physical and verbal abuse, the ability to put a sentence together!!!


What you’re about to see….

I’m a live and let live kinda gal. My goal in life is to make people laugh, experience as much as I can, and try to be a good person along the way.

I have a lot of opinions (just like everyone else), but I feel the majority of people these days are too damn sensitive and the world is over-flowing with bullshit.

I just want to spread the word that people are focusing way too much on the little things; over obsessing about celebrity gossip, announcing at every opportunity when something offends them, creating hype when there is nothing to get excited about…well get over it….IT’S NOT THAT SERIOUS.

Think of me as a female John Stewart, but less political and with a smaller vocabulary.